Mom guilt is everywhere, whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a working mom, or a work-from-home mom. Regardless of the role, the feelings of guilt are universal, though the reasons may vary. As a Mom, Doctor, and Friend, I often hear from fellow mothers seeking advice on how to cope with the various types of mom guilt that come with balancing our many roles.

Let’s explore three real-life examples of mom guilt and discuss tips to overcome them.

Mom Guilt Example 1: Baby Fell Off the Bed

In the middle of the day, my friend called me in distress—her baby had fallen from the bed. Upset and deeply worried about the baby’s health and any potential injuries from the fall, she immediately called her husband. He reacted angrily, questioning her actions and implying negligence on her part. She blamed herself, feeling her inattention had caused the accident. They rushed to the hospital where the pediatrician confirmed the baby was fine.

She struggled to overcome her guilt, becoming obsessed with her baby’s health. Seeing the red marks from the fall on the baby’s forehead only intensified her feelings of inadequacy. Her husband shut her down when she tried to express her guilt, leaving her feeling horrible and without anyone to validate her feelings. Such mom guilt examples highlight how quickly mothers can spiral into self-blame.

How to Overcome the Guilt Here?

Although it’s a short-term guilt that may fade as the child recovers, it can still deeply affect a mother’s emotions and caregiving approach. Addressing this guilt is important, as it can have a lasting impact on a mother’s parenting journey. Many mothers continue to feel guilty years later when recalling such incidents, believing it was their fault.

1. Monitor Your Baby: Ensure your baby’s safety by closely monitoring them for 24 hours. Check for any significant injuries, observe their alertness, and watch for vomiting. Confirm they are eating properly and show no signs of bleeding from the ear or nose. If you have concerns, contact your pediatrician or approach the emergency department. Following these steps will not only ensure your baby’s health but also support your mental well-being and confidence. Otherwise, seek reassurance from a professional for peace of mind. If reaching out to a pediatrician isn’t possible, confide in a trusted person in your network or another experienced mother.
2. Be Mindful of Oversharing: Share this incident, your feelings, or your anxiety only with trustworthy individuals whom you believe can offer comfort, help, or valuable information. Otherwise, keep it to yourself and avoid sharing with toxic people. If others learn about it and offer unsolicited opinions or advice, disregard it and don’t take it to heart. Remember, one incident does not define you as a mother.
3. Am I the Worst Mother?: If you’ve taken care of the first point, then no—you haven’t intentionally harmed your baby. You’ve shown regret, ensured your baby’s health, and demonstrated concern. That alone proves you’re a great mother. This is just one incident that happened. Remember, incidents like this are common and happen to many babies worldwide. Thankfully, almost all babies are okay and perfectly fine.
4. Connect with Other Mothers: Developing genuine friendships with fellow mothers can support you through this stage. As mentioned earlier, incidents like this are common in motherhood. Despite our best efforts, babies and toddlers may roll and fall at some point. Talking to a trusted friend can ease your mind, reassuring you that such accidents are normal and not your fault. They can provide empathy and shared experiences, helping you understand that this is a natural part of your baby’s growth and exploration.
5. Treat it as a Learning Process: Only you know the truth about why this happened. It might be because you zoned out due to fatigue, were busy with household chores, missed the baby’s cues or were simply distracted. If you feel responsible for the mistake, forgive yourself and show kindness. No one is a superwoman, and perfection in motherhood is unrealistic. Use this as an opportunity to learn and grow. Motherhood is a journey of continuous learning—a path towards becoming the best version of yourself, not a flawless one.

Mom Guilt Example 2: Yelled at the Baby

A mom working from home was busy with one of her clients when her toddler needed her attention. She tried to distract him, but no matter how many times she tried, he was stubborn and kept making noise. He was overstimulated at that moment, calling for her, pulling her legs. She somehow managed to finish the client call but lost her patience and yelled at him, which made him cry. After a few moments, she felt really guilty. This scenario repeated a couple of times, leading to constant guilt and making her feel like a bad mother. Such mom guilt examples shows the daily struggles of balancing work and childcare.

How to Get Over This Mom Guilt

1. Accept the Mistake: Accept your feelings of guilt as a recognition of mistakes rather than dismissing them. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, especially in cases of mom guilt. Yelling at children repeatedly can lead to long-term psychological issues or childhood trauma in adulthood. Therefore, it’s crucial not to make it a habit. It’s normal and acceptable to feel frustrated or yell occasionally, but it’s essential to recognize it as a mistake and take the time to communicate calmly with your children afterward. In this context, guilt can be constructive, showing that you care deeply about being a good mother.
2. Forgive Yourself: Once you’ve acknowledged your mistake, it’s important to forgive yourself. Losing patience is not unusual—it’s one of the most challenging aspects of motherhood. Balancing multiple responsibilities alone is demanding, and maintaining patience levels is another tough task—whether it’s dealing with sleep deprivation in the baby stage, managing overstimulated toddlers, or juggling activities and responsibilities with school-age children.
3. Implementing Strategies: Identify stressors and triggers for your impatience, including underlying issues, certain behaviors, or any external struggles. Recognize signs of burnout and prioritize regular breaks, seek support from trustworthy friends, and focus on mental health and self-care. Monitor your reactions and plan ahead for moments when patience wears thin, adjusting strategies as needed.
4. Patch Up: After yelling at your children, take time to help them understand their mistakes and the reason you reacted the way you did. Acknowledge your own mistakes while understanding theirs. Identify the habits or situations that triggered your emotions and teach your kids about emotions and conflict resolution. When handled properly, occasional yelling can become a learning phase for your kids, helping them manage emotions, face challenges in life, and mend relationships. However, ensure that this post-yelling strategy is executed thoughtfully and that yelling is not repeated, hurtful, abusive, or prolonged.
5. Read and Learn About the Long-term Consequences: Understanding the impacts of yelling, verbal abuse, or emotional neglect in children can help you develop better anger management skills and alleviate guilt from yelling. Feeling guilty can make you more aware and motivate you to improve. Learning about these impacts can guide you in modifying your parenting style and managing emotional outbursts effectively. Here is a link to research on the long-term impact of parental behavior on children NIH Article.
6. Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness or meditation and incorporate self-care into your daily routine. Understand if you have any anger management issues and instead of feeling guilty, strive to improve. Take necessary steps, whether it’s going for therapy or seeking help. Remember, occasional yelling is normal, and nearly every child has experienced some form of parental frustration.

Mom Guilt Example 3: Stay-at-home Mom Guilt

As a stay-at-home mom, she often felt like a failure. She frequently regretted not contributing financially to her family and questioned her decision to stay at home. Comparing her child’s development to those with working moms made her feel guilty, thinking she wasn’t offering the same level of care or exposure. She blamed herself for any perceived shortcomings in her child, feeling responsible for them. Additionally, she compared herself to women on social media, feeling she couldn’t keep her kids as active or her home as perfect as those she saw online.

Some of Her Guilt Includes:

• Taking a nap
• Allowing occasional screen time
• Buying something for herself
• Going out without the baby or spending some me time
• Asking for help (in her mindset, she should be solely responsible for finishing the household work; her husband, being the one working in the office, should take rest)

How to Overcome Stay-at-home Mom Guilt

1. Addressing the Challenges: If you feel like a struggling stay-at-home mom or regret your decision to be one, it’s time to rethink. The stay-at-home mom role isn’t the problem—it’s the challenges that contribute to these feelings. So tackle the challenges and use this post to help you find solutions for them. [Stay-at-home Mom Struggles: 8 Challenges and Solutions]
2. Set Realistic Goals: Talk to yourself and visualize how you want your life to be. Identify the areas where you feel guilty and where you strive for improvement. Write them down, organize them, and work towards achieving them. Whenever you feel discontent, take the time to write down your feelings, organize your thoughts, and establish achievable goals. This approach will help you move towards a more fulfilling life.
3. Be Yourself: Just be yourself and understand that everyone is different, with unique situations and capabilities. Strive to be the best version of yourself rather than aiming for perfection. Avoid letting unnecessary interference from others affect you. If you hear someone belittling your accomplishments in comparison to others, let it go and focus on your own path. Make this mindset a habit for a more positive and fulfilling life.
4. Don’t Become Obsessed with Parenting: Consider parenting as a phase of your life rather than viewing it as a project or task. While being a stay-at-home parent is indeed a full-time job, try not to become overly fixated on it. For instance, avoid regretting taking breaks or allowing your kids occasional screen time. Understand that every action you take to prioritize self-care is reasonable and acceptable, regardless of whether you are home full-time or not.

Reflections from Mindful Portrait

Mothers often keep guilt feelings to themselves, believing it doesn’t directly impact their children. These mom guilt examples demonstrate how pervasive and impactful these feelings can be. But remember: a happy mother raises happy kids. Learn from mistakes, move forward, and aim to be that joyful mom. Follow your gut feelings and embrace your journey through parenthood. You can learn more about mom guilt, causes, common examples, and how to overcome these emotions here: What is Mom Guilt: Causes, Examples & How to Overcome It