“I want to stop pumping, but I feel guilty.” If this thought sounds familiar, it’s perfectly normal. Many exclusive pumping mothers face this dilemma, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the guilt that accompanies the decision to stop.

Now, ask yourself : Will stopping pumping help you become a more present and happy parent for your baby? The choice to continue or stop pumping is highly personal and can be challenging. At this stage, focusing on your mental and physical health can create a more positive environment for both you and your baby. Even though continuing to pump has it’s benefits, the energy you gain by stopping cannot not be underestimated. In the long run, what matters most is your overall well-being and your child’s happiness and health.

By following these six steps, you can overcome the guilt about stopping pumping and find a healthier balance.

6 Steps to Overcome Guilt of Stopping Pumping:

1. Remind Yourself of Your Reasons: If you recognize why you chose exclusive pumping, it can help you. Remind yourself of these reasons to assure yourself that none of the circumstances leading to your current situation are your fault.Many mothers opt for exclusive pumping due to issues such as latching problems, tongue tie, as well as concerns like nipple confusion, low breast milk supply, separation from their baby, need to return to work or simply because they prefer exclusive pumping at that point.
2. Acknowledge the Pumping Journey: Since you started pumping, you’ve experienced many phases. There were times when establishing and maintaining your milk supply was a struggle. You tried power pumping, researched a lot, and did everything possible to increase milk production. Cleaning pump parts, scheduling late-night sessions, and storing milk for your baby—each step presented its own challenges. Seeing a full bottle during your pumping sessions was a moment of victory , even though it didn’t happen every time. There were thousands of reasons to give up, but you survived till now. Reflecting on these experiences helps you appreciate your resilience and reminds you why your efforts have been so important. Acknowledge that you’ve done your best. Next time, instead of saying, ‘I want to stop pumping but feel guilty,’ say, ‘I want to stop pumping, and I know I did my best.’
3. Cite the Reasons You Want to Stop Pumping Now
   • Time Management Issues: Most moms want to stop pumping due to the difficulty of managing time and scheduling sessions amidst multiple responsibilities. Without support, it’s nearly impossible to balance pumping sessions and caring for a baby. Even with help, managing both is very challenging, and this is the main struggle faced by exclusive pumping moms.
   • Physical and Emotional Exhaustion: Over time, the process of sitting for extended periods to pump milk, store it, and clean the pump parts can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. This routine can prevent moms from being fully present with their babies, as they may become preoccupied with pumping sessions. It can lead to burnout and make it difficult to find time for self-care and outings. Prolonged sitting while pumping and feeding can cause back pain, body aches, and other physical discomforts.
   • Low Milk Supply: You may still experience low milk supply and need to supplement with formula alongside pumping, causing demotivation and stress. Trying to increase milk supply can add to the burden and lead to resentment towards pumping. This feeling may worsen if you face judgment or hear critical comments about the time consumed and amount of milk produced. In this case, you need to prioritize your mental health over focusing on efforts to improve your breast milk supply. If it is causing significant stress, reconsider your approach. Ensuring both you and your baby are healthy is the most important thing.
   • Identifying the reasons you want to stop pumping helps you determine what is best for you and your baby. This allows you to provide the best version of yourself and overcome any guilt associated with stopping pumping. Not only that, sometimes you may find that the issues are manageable or can be fixed, which may enable you to sort out challenges and even continue pumping if that is your desire.
4. Ask yourself, why do I feel guilty for wanting to stop pumping? : Possible reasons for the guilt include concerns about the benefits of breastmilk, societal pressure, worries about bonding with the baby and not being able to meet breastfeeding goals or expectations.
   • Concerns About the Benefits of Breastmilk: Most of the guilt felt by formula-feeding moms arises from ongoing discussions about the benefits of breastfeeding. They fear their babies may face long-term disadvantages from not receiving breast milk supplementation.While breastfeeding offers many benefits, formula feeding is not without its merits. The main concerns often discussed are differences between formula and breast milk in relation to obesity, low IQ, and weakened immunity.If these concerns are affecting your mental health, let’s discuss how other mothers who once felt guilty have managed to overcome them.
   • Obesity: Many breastfed babies may start eating junk food or sugary foods when they start solids, but you can guide your baby’s diet by emphasizing fruits, vegetables, healthy proteins, and fats. Monitoring your baby’s growth and dietary habits can help address and manage concerns about obesity.
   • Low IQ: We know that a baby’s brain development begins in the first three years of life. Whether breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, you can support cognitive growth by making eye contact, talking to, touching, and engaging with your baby. Factors such as excessive screen time, limited outdoor play, and reduced social interactions can negatively affect development. Creating a healthy, stimulating environment at home is key to supporting your baby’s brain development.
   • Weakened Immunity: Breast milk contains antibodies that formula milk lacks. To counteract this, supplement your baby’s diet with immunity-boosting foods and encourage play and exploration in a nurturing environment.However, it’s important not to become overly obsessed with these three points as it can negatively impact your parenting style and both your and your baby’s mental health. Be flexible with these routines.
   • Societal Pressure: Societal pressure places a heavy burden on mothers regarding breastfeeding. They are often judged based on whether they breastfeed their child, with this choice influencing societal views of good motherhood. The decision to stop pumping can be seen as selfish, affecting a mother’s mental health with feelings of guilt and shame. This can lead to embarrassment about her inability to provide breastmilk.If societal pressures are a major source of guilt, remember that you’re just at the beginning of a long parenting journey. Along the way, you may face challenges from societal influences and judgments that impact both your mental health and your baby’s future. You need to let go of these judgments and unsolicited advice early on. Be confident in acknowledging that you are formula feeding without feeling the need to hide it. But avoid oversharing about your feeding choices. Share your experience when necessary with assurance. There is no reason to feel ashamed as long as you are providing for and caring for your baby.
   • Worries About Bonding With the Baby: For generations, breastfeeding has been viewed as the primary way for mothers to bond with their babies. Those unable to breastfeed often worry about how they will connect with their child, which can heighten their stress. While bonding may take time and develop gradually, these concerns can  increase a mother’s stress levels. Don’t stress about bonding with your baby; it naturally develops over time. Focus on maintaining your mental health and happiness to provide quality time, love, and care. A benefit of bottle feeding is that it lets your partner bond with the baby too. Sharing feeding duties, especially at night, gives you time to rest and recover physically, enhancing your mental well-being and bonding with the baby. During feedings, enjoy skin-to-skin contact, sing songs, talk to your baby, make eye contact, and show affection. Try mindful photography from early stages of motherhood to help you slow down during the parenting hustle and cherish each moment of bonding with your baby.
   • Not being able to meet breastfeeding goals or expectations: Sometimes, the decision to stop pumping may be influenced by unexpected circumstances. This can evoke feelings of guilt, especially when planning to wean earlier than anticipated, particularly if there was a strong desire to breastfeed for a longer duration during pregnancy.
5. Own Your Decision: Be clear with yourself about your decision to stop breast pumping. Relactation can be challenging. Many parents experience unnecessary guilt, confusions and stress, so give yourself time to reflect. Consider skipping a pumping session initially to ensure that your decision aligns with your feelings. Sometimes, you may find that skipping a few sessions and opting for combination feeding can work for you instead of completely quitting. The reduced pressure of sticking to strict routines and schedules, along with more break time, might help you continue with pumping. So, try experimenting with it. If you need assistance, don’t hesitate to consult a lactation consultant.
6. Validate Your Decision: Once you stop pumping, consider life afterward. Instead of spending precious moments pumping milk in a corner, you’ll have more time to be present with your kids and family, prioritize self-care, and experience improved mental health by reducing stress about schedules and pumping results. The quality moments you spend with your baby will enhance bonding and provide emotional benefits for both of you. Reflect on the positive changes in your life since stopping pumping to help overcome any feelings of guilt. This will keep you motivated and prevent guilt from arising.

Why am I sad to stop pumping?

Feeling sad and confused when stopping pumping is completely normal. The reasons include hormonal changes like drops in oxytocin, a sense of loss about ending this phase of your baby’s life, unmet expectations about breastfeeding, confusion about choices, and the challenges of transitioning to a new routine.

Coping with the Guilt when you want to stop pumping

Whenever your mind voice says, ‘I want to stop pumping but feel guilty,’ write down in a journal or remind yourself of your version of 1 to 6 points. Trust me, this can help you feel much better.

Understand that many mothers around the world struggle with feeling guilty about stopping pumping. Studies have shown that feelings of guilt and shame are common regarding feeding choices, so you are not alone in this struggle.

Remember, no matter when you decide to stop breastfeeding, someone will always ask, “Did you stop breastfeeding too soon?” or “Haven’t you stopped yet?” Whether it’s after the first month, sixth month, or even after three years, this question is inevitable for all mothers. Stay strong.

Is it selfish to stop pumping?

No, it’s not selfish to stop pumping. It’s perfectly okay to stop if you’re doing it to preserve your mental and physical health. Self-care and prioritizing mental health are not selfish; in fact, they are beneficial for your baby, as they help create a healthier environment for both you and your child.

Reflections from Mindful Portrait

Promoting awareness and celebrating breastfeeding is important, but we also need to establish more communities and support groups for mothers who had to stop breastfeeding even though they had a strong desire to continue. For these mothers, who may have imagined breastfeeding since learning about their pregnancy and prepared for it throughout nine months, facing the reality of stopping can be tough. Societal pressure to breastfeed as a measure of worth  adds to their distress. This is why women sacrifice their mental health, struggle with the wish to stop pumping while feeling guilty, and face difficulty in making a decision. It’s important to offer support and understanding to these women.

Let’s make sure that celebrating the breastfeeding journey does not hurt the feelings of these mothers. We should unite to support each other, celebrating the unique and rewarding journey of motherhood for every individual.